At the end of the day, the only thing we have control over is ourselves and how we choose to show up in the world.
I know it's cliché, let's chat about this. I remember hearing this years ago, and thinking,
"Okay then, what's the point? If everything is just happening to me, why does it matter what I do or don't do? I'll just do whatever, and deal with everything else later."
(everything else being feelings, repercussions, difficult conversations, etc.)
But 3 major things were happening here:
1) I was trying to control everything OUTSIDE of myself.
Telling others what to do and how to live, focusing all of my energy on jobs and relationships, constantly going through changes in my external world... Anything and everything except for my internal self.
2) I was letting EVERYONE ELSE influence me internally.
My mood, how I thought/felt/acted, what I wore and looked like, my goals... All at the hands of others' opinions and desires.
3) I was living AT EFFECT of my experiences instead of at cause.
Blaming others, my jobs, my conflicts/hardships, that person who was rude to me, the weather... You name it, it was the reason why I was unhappy and struggling.
I wish I could remember the exact moment it hit me, but I just remember being so exhausted and overwhelmed that I finally realized... If I wanted things to change, I needed to own up and make the change myself because expecting others to do it for me wasn't working. Maybe the cliché was actually true!
And just like magic....
Just kidding, kinda.
It wasn't an overnight fix, but it WAS the start of a new mindset and actions that led to a new me - a better me - and who is continuing to grow into even better versions of me every day. It's been a beautiful transformation that I hope for you too, if you're open to experiencing it.
How, you ask?
✨Know what your non-negotiable needs are in life, work, and relationships
Truly knowing and understanding what you need to feel happiest and most aligned is key! Without this, you're just working against the grain of who you are and what you're meant to do and be. It's so much more difficult to force yourself into being someone you're not than it is to embody your true self. But that means knowing what components need to be there to make that happen.
✨Be able to communicate those needs to others in a way they understand, and set boundaries when needed to make sure they're honored and respected
One of the biggest struggles I see is that people WANT their needs met, but they don't know how to ask for or establish them in a way that the other person understands. Sometimes it can be because they're asking for something, but not being honest about their core need whether they aren't aware of what that is (see previous tip), maybe they're asking for something in a specific way that the other person truly doesn't understand how to fulfill that need (general miscommunication issues), or they can be afraid to ask for it because they aren't used to having healthy boundaries with others.
✨Give yourself those needs instead of relying on others to do it for you
And really, truly, prioritizing it so you're not constantly draining yourself with no reciprocation. Wanting compliments? Compliment yourself with affirmations, and get dressed up and take photos or do something that makes you feel your best and most talented. Craving companionship? Take yourself on a solo-date, romanticize your time alone and really connect with your own company. Desiring physical closeness? Give yourself a little massage or hug, exercise and stretch, physical self-care like a bath or face mask, or even a romantic evening self-intimacy. You don't NEED anyone else to have your needs met, they should supplement what you already give yourself.
✨Be aware of your unhealthy patterns and tendencies, and take responsibility and ownership whenever they show up
I've said it so much, and I'll say it again, "The self-growth journey never ends." There's ALWAYS going to be times that we experience old thoughts or feelings or fall into behavior patterns or habits that we thought we moved on from. That's okay! The key is to build awareness so that when those situations happen you know how to navigate through them in the healthiest way, instead of falling back into the hole of your old ways and letting them control you. Taking responsibility and acknowledging them for what they are when they show up instead of casting blame elsewhere is next level in terms of growth.
✨Own your authentic and unique power, gifts, skills, contributions, and being in this world
You have SO much to offer this world. Whether you know it or not, you influence everyone around you, and when you are tuned in and aligned to your unique goodness (from your essence and experiences) you truly have the capability to work magic to everyone in your life. Like I mentioned in the first tip, it's more difficult to go against who you REALLY are. So if life feels forced, uncomfortable, heavy, or difficult the reason is because you're not in alignment, because when you are everything just flows and feels right. It is the most natural form of existing, and if you haven't felt it yet, don't worry because by reading this you're one step closer to experiencing it. It starts with awareness.
I know what you're thinking..."Okay I want to experience this, but how can I?"
I'm going to be honest with you, I mostly learned these steps all on my own.
Therapy was somewhat helpful, but also didn't really help push me to grow after a few months of venting my problems out. I've read A TON of self-help books which were great, but that literally took years and you shouldn't have to wait that long to see the change you're desiring.
I have a new resource available that will help you grow in all of these areas:
Stuck to Self-Aware - a 4-week workbook FILLED with daily lessons, action steps, tips, and journal prompts for you to gain awareness in honestly every area of your life. The insights and realizations are beyond transformational no matter where you are on your journey of self-discovery!